the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
We don't watch enough power rangers
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
