my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
