AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
