I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
