I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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