I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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