WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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