The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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