I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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