i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
