Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
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