becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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