Define "chronic" masturbator.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
