i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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