you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
