Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
