I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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