My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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