I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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