Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
