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• (972): View more from Texas

  Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.

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• (731): View more from Tennessee

  What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?

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• (903): View more from Texas

  So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.

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• (302): View more from Delaware

  Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?

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• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?

  (1-608): View more from Wisconsin

  Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.

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• (604): View more from British Columbia

  I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.

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• (818): View more from California

  I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.

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• (516): View more from New York

  Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.

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• (425): View more from Washington

  He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard

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• (863): View more from Florida

  I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.

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• (521): View more from

  You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.

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