Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
