the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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