May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
