I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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