There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
