He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
