i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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