I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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