If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Also, beer. Big fan.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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