so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
