i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
