if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
