Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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