My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
How many fucks given?
0.12846
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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