Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
