I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
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Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
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I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
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