Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
