She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
