saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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