I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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