if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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