I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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