Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
