If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
