Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
