Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
