I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
