For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
he's single and there are thong briefs.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
