I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
