dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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