I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
