let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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