but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
