I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
