i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
