then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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