he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
