Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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