I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Actions speak louder than pants.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
