Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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