I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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