ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
did you just send me my own nude
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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