threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
