this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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