And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize