I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
