It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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