In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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