gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
