i think i have herpe
just one?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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