ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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