Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
