He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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