You can't special order awesome
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
