well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
well you can't waste a boner
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
